Being a pretty much carefree guy when it comes to school, especially finals, definitely has its perks. Instead of being overwhelmed with studying I can sit back and bask in everyone else's misery. Hey, I already know I'm destined to be a 40 year old man who owns a college-oriented website and lives in his parents basement, why try to change it? Wait... my parents don't even have a basement. Shit, I'm screwed.

Anyways, here are a few quirks the onslaught of exams has brought to my attention this year:

1) You can count on your AIM Online Buddies nearly doubling.

You know those people who are never online because they don't have a computer? Well, they're in the library studying entirely too much or typing that 20 page paper they should have started 3 weeks ago. They're logged on to AIM waiting for anyone to distract them. Be a good friend and let them work. Alright fine. Go ahead and send them a link to this column.

2) No one has any meal points left, so don't let anyone eat your arm.

Pretty much everyone who lives on campus is down to $0.24 on his or her meal card by now. I don't think you can even buy a pack of gum or a Thai prostitute with that. How people spend thousands of dollars on food in a semester, I have no idea. Neither does the kid who has $300 left and feels like he is fending off a mob of Ethiopians every day in the cafeteria.

3) You don't smoke? Well what the hell is that in your hand? Sure looks like a cigarette to me.

The tobacco industry makes a shitload of money this time of year from "non-smokers." Unless you absolutely despise the habit you're going to take it up for a week or two. Not only does it ease the stress, but it also helps ease the pain of having no meal points. Just hope you don't end up like this monkey.

Don't worry, it's almost over. Suck it up for another week or two, head home, and drink frozen margaritas by your parents' pool all summer long.